Monday, May 26, 2008

photos

OOOps. those pics on the past post are really messed up..
I figured out how to fix them and will go back and edit those photos later this evening.
Sorry

A bit more sewing

I am trying to get good at my serger. I guess I am just way to attached to using my sewing machine. I am comfortable with the sewing machine but the serger is sooo much faster and no need to go back and clip seams and finish edges etc. I have such a hard time going around edges though, I serge off the edge or cut a hole into the seam..oops.
Here is a dress I made based on the Olivia dress pattern from Farbenmix. I left off the hood.
Here is another cute knit outfit made with the same fabric. The picture makes it look like the neckline is a bit wonky but it really is not. I do not totally care for the style of shirt and would prefer the lap tee style. This is about a size 6 months or so.


Here is another dress made from the Olivia farbenmix pattern. I LOVE the farbenmix patterns. Again this is knit fabric and I am still practicing. I did mess up a bit on the hood but it is still cute. It is hard to tell but the hood has a cute knotted tail on it.








Saturday, May 24, 2008

Goodbye Tiki

Yesterday we had to put our much loved cat, Tiki, to sleep.
She was almost 18 years old and was starting to suffer. We knew about 2 weeks ago that this needed to be done but we just were not quite ready to let go. We spent the past 2 weeks with her, loving her, petting her, making sure she got to lay on her favorite blanket in the sunny window everyday. She got to eat her favorite foods...turkey and tuna and she got lots of love. We took lots of pictures of her and plan to put pictures from her 18 years of life into video slide show. She was cremated and we will pick up her ashes in about 2 weeks and have them in a special urn on the shelf next to Dr J. ( rays kitty that died years ago).
Tiki outlived many of the other pets she lived with. There were 2 dogs who tiki lived with back when she was much younger, link and otis. Tiki would play with them and then drive them crazy but running away from them. They would catch her and lick her all over. We fondly called this game "get the kitty". Link and Otis both died a few years ago and I have no doubt that tiki is with them now playing get the kitty.
Tiki was always a small cat but recently lost so much weight that she was just skin and bones. She loved everybody in the family but also had a very big mean streak in her and we all have scars to remind us of her and her claws.
Tiki was spayed when she was just a kitty so never was a mama kitty but she sure nurtured me through my pregnancies. She would lay by my side or on my belly. I have pictures of her laying near me while I would breastfeed. She seemed to just be able to sense when I needed her nearby.
As much as it breaks my heart to not have her here with me, it was out of love that I was able to let her go and not have her continue to suffer. She was getting sicker and sicker and we knew there was nothing else we could do to fix her.
Tiki lived a full life and was always loved and taken care of.




















Friday, May 23, 2008

Art

Well, it is sort of like art lol. We were bored and also running low on crafting supplies. Sterling was in the mood to mix stuff and make a mess. We had already done the corn starch stuff and mixed all the vinegar we had with baking soda. I dug through the drawers and pulled out the food coloring. I let sterling mix it with water to make different colored water. Then, he wanted to paint with it. Well, we happened to have a loaf of bread that was going stale sitting on the counter so I do not know why it crossed my mind to paint on the bread, but it did. This was not the best of ideas, the bread got very soggy and was a mess. If we ever do this again I would toast the bread first.
Or...just get real paint and paper.

The cat wants in on the action also...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Another day at home..

Ok I admit, I did not get out of the house today like I had set my goal for. I stayed up until 2am in a panic worrying about having to go out. I finally convinced myself that it was silly to force myself to leave my home where I feel safe unless I have to.
I also spent most of the day in pain. I took my oxycontin just like I am supposed to and took the maximum amount of oxycodone but it still just did not help with the achy feeling in my bones.
I spent most of the day on the couch, with my laptop and television. I keep hoping that there will be a new med for my pain that will help but so far there has been nothing that has worked for me.
I have heard some new things about high level folic acid helping with some of the pain. My dr mentioned it last time I saw him but we did not go further into it because we were mostly concerned with the new pain I had in my right arm and shoulder and were trying to see if it was nerve pain or something else.
I just am tired of feeling so much pain. It has been years since I have had a pain free moment. I can no longer even wear a bra because it causes too much pain in my ribs. I have had to switch to just wearing cami bras. I can only wear loose shoes like crocs, tevas, birks etc because my foot swelling so much that the shoes hurt. I also noticed since the addition of a different med a few months ago my contact lens bother me often and I have to switch to glasses on most days. I think it is caused from dry eyes. I even got special contacts that are supposed to be good for dry eyes. It is hard to explain the level of pain I have. Some days the pain is so bad that I can not even brush my hair. If I can manage to get through my anxiety for long enough to go get my hair cut that would help a ton with that problem. I have been to anxious to go get a haircut for years so my hair is way down my back. Not because I planned to grow it that long, but because I just could not manage to get a haircut lol.
I have a long list of lab work I need to get done, there are a few new things that are being tested, things like vitamin D and vitamin A. Of course a repeat of the lupus test and my sed rate, which has been sky high the times it has been tested. I saw one rheumatologist but he was an odd odd duck and I never went back since my regular dr specializes in pain issues but if my sed rate is still really high or the ana test ( tests for lupus) comes back abnormal I will have to go find another rheumatologist to see.
I have an order to go get an xray of my neck to check if there is any further changes in the bone spurs and discs.
I think I am going to go soak in the jacuzzi tub and lay on the couch with a heat bag for awhile.

Palace or Prison?

I have thought about this question off and on. Is my home my palace or my prison? I am stuck here and can not leave due to my fears and phobias. For awhile I thought of it as my prison. I think I have worked hard to make it more a palace. ( Ok...it is a mobile home but still ya know...) I have everything I need here. I am comfortable here. I have one room of the house that I call my room. It is an extra living room and it is set up with everything I could need. I have my computer, my sewing machine, fans, lights, tv, remote controls, dvds, stereo, phone, treadmill, my blanket for snuggling on the couch, windows to look out and see the wildlife outside ( if you call snakes and ground squirrels wildlife..there have been hours that the ground squirrels have entertained me..) I have my 2 dogs by my side every second of the day. I have shelves of books. I can chat with all my friends online. Luckily I enjoy being home. Luckily I live in an era of technology. I can not imagine what a prison my life would feel like if I did not have access to the outside world through my computer.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Fish on a hook

I have tried to explain agoraphobia before but I really think this video makes a lot of sense.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=211265947557574874
Check out this video, it is only 3 minutes long and well worth watching.
This is very close to how I feel. I want to go out and I want to do things with friends and my kids. I just can't. I know that does not make any sense to most people. I have had people tell me that I just need to get out of the house and I do try. I have every intention to go out but as the time gets closer to me having to leave I start having symptoms of panic and anxiety. I start feeling sick to my stomach and having a hard time catching my breath. My heart starts racing. I become very irritable because I am frustrated and had high hopes that this time would be different and I would be able to go out and not have these symptoms. I finally decide that I can not go out. Slowly I calm back down but after my panic levels are back to normal I trade those feelings for depression and disappointment. I get depressed because of guilt that I am not doing the things with my kids that I feel I should be doing. Of course the more I focus on this, the worse it makes me feel.

I do want to make goals to get out but now with gas prices going up and it being so hot, I almost feel like I can use that as an excuse. But, I know that I need to work at this.
Tomorrow I am making a goal to go to goodwill. It is only about 2 miles from here, maybe less. I want to go there and just make it a goal to go in. Usually, once I make it in to a place I do better. It is the anticipation and planning that is the hard part.
Since the first of the year, besides dr appts, I think I have gone out 2 times. That is just not good. I really need to get out 1 time a week. Even just to go to the library or somewhere. The longer I go without leaving, the harder it gets to leave. Once I start going out on a more regular basis it will become more habit and I will get used to it. Just starting is the hard part. Just imagine if each time you wanted to leave the house you felt sick and could not breath....after awhile you would just stop wanting to go out. No matter how badly you wanted to go out the symptoms of panic would make you decide it was just easier to stay home.

oooops

Ok, obviously I have done something way wrong with my photos on here.
I had it all figured out when I was using photobucket and I could easily resize my pics. I changed to snapfish because I prefer to order my prints from there and I can upload tons and tons of pics very easily. I am going to need to figure out how to fix this. It looks awful!!!!

cute little reversible cross over dress

I think this is just sooo cute. It needs a few adjustments to the pattern before I sew it again. It seems a bit to boxy for me and needs to be narrowed down. The cross over part crosses over a bit too much. I also am not happy about the snap placement. But, it still is cute and would be an adorable summer dress or swim suit cover up.




Here is a pic of the reverse print of the dress




A few of my recent sewing projects

I have been trying to get some sewing done. I have sewn lots and lots of doll slings and doll diapers recently and am taking a tiny bit of a break from them to sew some other things. I do not sew for any specific person, just look through patterns and pick whatever I feel like sewing. When I am done sewing then I usually just find somebody who wants what I made and give it away.
The past few days I have been sewing purses and totes. None are totally finished but I will post pics when they are done.
Here is a cute baby outfit I made. I think it is about a size 9-12 months. It is 2 tops and 1 bottom. Each top is reversible though so it can be worn at least a few different ways.
(Oh, I still have to add snaps to the shoulders)







This second shirt also reverses to a solid print on the other side. This is a cute little summer outfit. The back of it crosses in the back.

More goodies

I have a few more pictures of some other goodies I got in the mail in the past week or so.
I ordered this stuff from house of tarts, well now actually it is called hot scents boutique.
I love all her products and she is such a nice gal. Anytime I email her she emails me right back and is so helpful. She will mix any scent that you would like. I have no clue how she comes up with all these awesome scents but they are amazing. I had a bottle of perfume in candied musk scent and wow was it awesome. It is gone now, Sterling loved it...he loved it a little to much and went around spraying random stuff with it. My house smelled good but my poor bottle of perfume was used up way to quickly. I have a list of other scents I have tried and love. Right now I am wearing a body spray in cherry lollipop...not a scent I would think I would like but she sent it as a free sample and it really is a nice scent. She sends quite a few samples and every time I get hooked on a new scent. I love the samples because usually she sends scents that I would otherwise have never tried. That is how I came upon candied musk. I have never ever been a big fan of musk..and candied musk just sounds um..a bit icky.
Ok..I have pictures and a list of scents but it is almost 1 am and need to finish this up. I will add the pics tomorrow.
Pics added


Top is sugar scrubs. The pink one is jelly belly tini and is extra creamy formula. The blue one is island blue rum runner and is in the just right formula. OMG...they smell soooo good and leave my skin so soft. They both smell awesome. The island blue rum runner is not a scent I would have thought to order but she included it with my order as a free sample and I love it.
The bottom 2 are silk whip body cream. They are soft and fluffy and feel like whipped cream. I got pomegranate cotton candy and hot pink mama.. she also sent a small sample of banana.

This is all my goodies from this order. I think this is my 5th order from here and every single one I have loved. The tarts are sooo yummy and strong. Right now I am melting fruit and butter cookie scent and it is awesome. Some of my faves are fruit lewp, tutti fruiti bubble gum, cotton candy clouds, iced rose, orange county housewives, hawaiian cherries and many many more. There have only been a few that I have not cared for.
The perfume samples are all awesome. Some of the best are cherry lollipop, tropical wedding cake strawberry buttercream, pink young lady, frosted pink cupcake with sprinkles. But they are all yummy.
Here is a link to her site http://www.hotscentboutique.com/ if you order make sure you use my name as a referral and I will get some free goodies if you order.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

How?

I am trying to understand how this happens...how do you have a friend one day that says that you are their best friend, they think you are like a sister and then the next day they ignore you and act like they no longer want to be your friend?
I am a loyal friend. Friends until the end. Friends through thick and thin, ups and downs, good times and bad times. I guess I just expected the same in return. I can think of only a few things that somebody could do to me to make me stop being their friend. Things like stealing from me, sleeping with my husband...that sort of stuff. Petty stuff like white lies, small arguments, not agreeing over something etc just does not really bother me.
I would do anything for a friend. I would give them the shirt off my back and my shoes and anything else they needed. I feel like having a friend takes work and is a two way street. If one friend is putting way more into the friendship then the other then it is not an equal friendship.
What saddens me the most is to think that our friendship, which I found very important, seems to be so disposable to the other person. There was no real falling out, no fight, no huge problem that happened to cause this. Just a few things that did not turn out the way my friend wanted them to, which was not my fault, and she has decided to abandon the friendship. I have tried to revive it. Written as if nothing has happened, written and asked what was wrong, written and asked over and over for forgiveness( for what I am not sure because I did not do anything wrong), told her I was sorry for anything that she may think I have done, written and asked about things going on in her life, written and offered to send her goodies and all to no avail. I got an email or two back in reply. Mere sentences that was not much more then you would expect from a stranger, not from somebody who said they cared and loved you.
I am confused . Wondering what I did so wrong in her eyes that would warrant her not wanting to be a part of my life and me a part of hers.
So, this has left me confused and mostly wondering how??? how does this happen.
whew, I needed to get that off my chest lol
It is all ok though, I have a best friend who would never do this to me. I have other friends who would come to me if we had a problem and work it out. This has upset me mostly because I did not do anything and because I just can not figure it out. But I am able to move on, leave the past in the past and only spend the present and the future nurturing friendships that are worthy of more then a quick abandon if at anytime the journey gets a bit bumpy.
I know who my friends are. I want friends who will not ditch me when the going gets tough. That is when a true friend hangs on the tightest. I have spent enough time going over and over in my head what it is I did so wrong and how can I regain this friendship but I realize that it is not my problem. I reached out numerous times and it has not done any good. I will not beg for a friend or spend anymore time thinking about it. I have other more positive things to do with my time and other friends that enjoy my friendship and who want to share things in their life with me and want to hear what is going on in my life.
I am a loyal friend and I guess I expect that in return.
On to a lighter note lol..my best friend is going to be a grandma. I am so excited for her and I can not wait to start helping sew up the baby stuff. Hopefully in the next few weeks they will find out the gender of the baby and then it will be time to start sewing sewing sewing. My other friend is due in august with a baby girl and I am sure I have some pretty girly fabric that is just waiting for me to sew it up into cute stuff.

Monday, May 19, 2008

fun grab bags

Well, I should say fun grab boxes. This past month I bought a few from a couple of companies. The first one, Little Black Box is one that I had wanted for awhile but just was always to late to order one before they are sold out. They usually go on sale about the 25th of the month and see out the same day. They cost about 25 dollars but I got a deal that if I paid for 2 months in advance I got 2 months for 43 dollars and that included shipping. I was so pleased with all the goodies I got so figured I would share pics of my stuff. Oh, well I should actually describe what the boxes are. They are boxes of samples from all different etailers. They send in samples to the company and the company makes them into boxes and then ships them out. Not only did I get the samples and some full size items but I got coupon codes for discounts on my first purchase from the companies. This is such a neat idea because otherwise I would not have heard of most of these companies.
here is my box from little black box. I should have taken the picture much closer up so you could actually see what I got. Next time I will make sure to get better pictures. I expect my next box to mail out about the 25th of this month...check back and I will post pics of that.

I also ordered a box from Lemming Central. It is the same idea, box of samples. I was so excited with all the goodies I totally forgot to take pictures. I wish I had because out of the 3 companies I got boxes from this past month the one from Lemming Central was my favorite. They do not have one every month like the other 2 companies. I think Lemming central has a box every other month. I know they did not have one in May but they will have one in June..and I will be ordering one lol

The 3rd place I ordered from was snowberry creek candles. I had not heard much about them before but figured it was worth a shot. The box cost about 23 dollars and that included priority mail shipping. I loved everything in it. The other cool thing is....when you order a box you get entered into a drawing for either a full size product or a free box the following month. I did not think about it because I never win any of those types of things. Imagine my surprise when I got an email saying that I would be getting a free box in May because I won the drawing. YEEEEHAWWWW lol. The purple cellophane bag has teas and coffees from sbs teas. The coffee was delicious. The teas look yummy but I am not a huge fan of loose teas. I am going to pass them on to a friend. I also got teas from sbs teas in my box from lemming central and I got tea from blue raven tea in my box from little black box.