Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Some good news, some bad news

I recently have had some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is, we were 45,000 dollars in debt that we could not afford to pay. Since I can not work I felt very guilty over it. My husband kept most of it from me until the credit card companies started calling. He did not want to tell me because he thought it would cause more anxiety...he was paying one credit card with another and doing balance transfers etc.
The good news is, I finally was approved for disability...SSDI. I had my hearing feb 27th, the judge realized I was truly nuts and sent me my decision 4 weeks later. I have not gotten a check yet and may not for another month or so, but at least I know it is coming, and my backpay as that will help a ton with our family.
The backpay will be enough to pay off all our debts and still leave a very large amount in the savings account. I will also get monthly checks as well as I qualify for medicare now. I do not need the medicare since I have private insurance but at least it is there if I do need it. They take out 88 dollars a month automatically from my ssdi check to cover the medicare. I decided to just keep paying for it because if I decline it now and need it later I am not sure how hard it would be to get back again...

I have not written for awhile

I have not written in awhile. I will catch this blog up to date over the next few days. I write in a journal but just did not get online and put it into my blog.
I have had ups and downs in the past few months. My anxiety is good some days and not good other days.
I have had to raise my dose of wellbutrin that was added with my lexapro because I was becoming very depressed. I would wake up in the morning and not even care about anything. I felt that life was not worth living. I did not think about suicide because I felt like I am dying anyways so why rush it. I do think about death and dying more then normal. The psych dr says I have obsessive compulsive disorder...geez just what I need, another dianosis to prove I am really crazy. I do obesses over things. I worry that I have a disease or that my heart will stop beating.
I made my first appt with a therapist for next week. I am not sure what he can do for me. Crazy is crazy and so far I have not heard of a cure...I guess I can pay him 30 bucks an hour to talk to him, I guess that is one less hour my husband has to listen to my lunatic banter.