I am learning that looking forward or looking backwards only causes anxiety and depression. Depression over the things I have missed out on and how my life has changed, and anxiety from looking towards the future and not knowing what each day will be like. I can not change yesterday and I am not promised tommorow so I need to just be happy for each today. I have been trying to just tell myself * I feel good today, today is a good day, do not think about any other days* It seems to help to think of it that way. I can worry about each day as it comes and fight each battle as it happens.
My friend D has not come by this week, I had an appt and she had some stuff to do as well. I enjoy my time with her and often think about what lesson I have learned all week long. Even if the study we do does not hit me right away, later on it comes to me how it pertains to me and how it can help me. I still look back over the purpose driven life study we did and find something new in it each time. I am thankful for her spending her time helping me out and hope someday to repay the gift by doing the same for somebody else.
I think we are going to put our christmas tree up tonight. The boys sound excited over it and I am wanting to make the holiday special.
I am trying to fix the relationship between my mom and I though I know she will never change and I can not deal with quite a bit of what she does. She is my mom and will always be and so I do want things to at least be happy between us. I often think that her and I have a lot of the same suffering we go through with mental and physical problems. We just deal with them much differently and I so do not want to be like her....
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