What I wished I knew last year..

The one thing that I wished I knew when this all started is that someday I would feel normal again. When it first started all I could think of was how life would never be the same. I looked at my children and cried because I thought I could never be the mom I wanted to be. I thought I would never be able to take them anwyhere without fear of having a panic attack. I was trying different medications and suffering from side effects. I never thought I would just be myself and be able to enjoy normal everyday activities.
I do feel normal again. It took me from august 12th 2004 until around april 2005 to start getting back to feeling like myself.
Looking back I think if somebody had told me that once I got on the right medications that I would be much better I would have felt much more at ease. I was blessed to have a great psych dr though who told me that he would try every medication he had to for me to get better. My regular dr also told me the same thing but not one person told me that I would get over it and get back to the things I enjoy.
When I posted earlier about my purpose of writing this blog I left out one of the main reasons...and that is so others that are going through the same thing will read it and know that they will feel like themselves again someday as well.
I hope to be comfortable enough someday to publicly share this blog along with me contact info so I can chat with others that may be going through what I was last year.
I know that I have been very open about my problems on a few forums I go to and that I have had personal emails from people going through similar problems and the one thing I tell them is that they will feel normal again and it seems like they were needing to hear that. I thought at first that maybe it was just me that felt that way but it seems to be a common feeling for people with mental illness, that they worry that they will never feel normal again.
I am soo glad to feel the way I do today, even though it is not the way I used to feel a few years ago. I am able to enjoy life, my kids, my husband, my friends. I have my hobbies back. I love to read and craft and sew. I love to scrapbook. I love learning new things and I can enjoy that now. I am looking forward to the holidays and am so excited that I want to get out and do things and prepare for the holidays.
There are a few things that I can not do and probably will not ever be able to but I try no to dwell on that because I am just sooo pleased with how I am doing now compared to last year. I probably will not ever be able to go back to work. I have other problems besides my mental health problems that combined together prevent me from holding a job. I am in pain daily. I have fibromyalgia, bone spurs in my neck that are pinching nerves, periperal neuropathy, 5 surgeries on my knee with a bone graph from my hip, and I have a few other equally unfun ailments that would make holding a job very unlikely. I am dealing with applying for disability now and it is a long process.
Well..it looks like I am in a rambling mood tonight...so I will end this post by saying how thankful I am to be feeling the way I am today even if it is not what I hoped to be feeling like it is more then I could have hoped for last year..I have much to be thankful for this thanksgiving...