And yet more ramblings

I made an appt. I did not want to. I did not want to think or admit that maybe I had something mentally wrong with me. But at this point I was willing to do anything it took to get better. I could not go on the way I was. My husband was having to take time off work to take care of the kids and the house and myself. I was going to the dr constantly. I could not breath. My heart was racing constantly. I could not function or participate in anything.
I went to my first appt with the psych dr and filled out a bunch of forms and tests he had for me. Lists of symptoms etc....I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, severe generalized anxiety disorder, severe social anxiety disorder, severe panic attacks...we discussed panic attacks...the dr told me that most panic attacks come and go and peak in 15 minutes and then go away...well mine DID NOT do that. I had panic attacks that lasted up to 4 hours or more and some days I was having 3-4 a day...
I was started on paxil cr 12.5 mg...went back to see him 2 weeks later and was moved up to 25 mg...went back a few weeks later and went to 37.5 mg...I was also taking xanax 3-4 times per day and still averaging 1-2 panic attacks a day. The side effects of the paxil were making it so I could not go up to a higher dose and it was not working for me anyways...
The holidays came and went and I was still too sick to enjoy them.
I swore that I would get better. I would resume my life. I would go to the dr as often and as many times as I had to. I would try whatever med I had to take but I would not accept that I would be like this forever...
I made it VERY VERY clear to all my dr's that I was serious about getting better.
SIDE NOTE....mental problems run in my family...I think that is why I was soooo scared to have a mental problem because I have seen it destroy many many members of my family...none of them ever got back to normal or even near normal...
I decided to try a new medication called cymbalta, this was supposed to be a good med for fibro and anxiety. I first had to wean off the paxil. It was not nearly as bad as I had heard it could be...When I got to 25 mg of paxil I added 30mg of cymbalta and then a week later went up to 60 of cymbalta and stopped the paxil...the cymbalta did not do much at first. And then it actually made me worse, much worse. It caused me to go into a depression. It made my heart feel/beat funny..so now I am anxious and depressed and convinced once again that I am having a heart attack...
The psych dr then gives me buspar to add to the cymbalta and changed my xanax to extended release..I decided against the extended release xanax and the buspar made me soo sick that I stopped that. I then weaned off the cymbalta and started on 10 mg of lexapro. The lexapro gave me headaches at first and gave me the sweats and I gained weight. But I started feeling better. I was having days that the lump was not in my throat and that I did not wake up in a panic attack. I actually was able to go out to eat.
The first time I went out to eat was for lunch with my husband. We went to a chinese buffett. I had not been out to eat for probably 2 years or more. It was very nice to go out. Over the following weeks I went out a few more times but I was still having a few panic attacks a week. The panic attacks that I have are very very strong ones. I would have to take enough xanax to almost knock me out. They could last hours and hours and be one after the other and sometimes I would be worn out for days from them.
The dr decided to increase the lexapro to 20mg...I started on 20mg and the headaches started again but I was dedicated to sticking with it and was going to try it no matter what.
At first I got worse...the anxiety increased but I was assured that it was normal.
2 weeks after increasing the dose I started feeling better.
I gained quite a few pounds on the lexapro but I was able to lower my dose of xanax.
I started being able to take the kids to an indoor play area. As long as it was not crowded I was doing better.