My dad is in a nursing home again. I am wondering if he will ever come home again. I have conflicted feelings about it. He was not a very good dad and I never felt that feeling about my dad that many girls have felt about their dad. When other people talking about how sad they are that their dad passed away etc it has made me jealous that I do not feel the same way about my dad. Yes it will be sad when he dies, just like it would be sad when anybody dies but I will not feel that great loss of my dad. Or maybe I will...I guess it may not hit me until he dies. He is not doing good at all. I went to see him last week for a few minutes and he does not look like the same man. He has lost tons of weight. I think he has lost probably almost 50 pounds. He has been unable to eat for almost 10 days now. He thinks it is from one of his medications. I think it could be possibly from a mass or something because he says that he can not eat because after one bite he feels stuffed and bloated. My dad has always had an appetite so something major is wrong. He is waiting to get his bone marrow biopsy/results but no more has been said about it. He has not even been able to eat his snickers bars that we brought him. He has been able to drink some stuff but not much. Yesterday they switched his diet to soft foods and he was finally able to eat some mashed potatoes. He was going to try some scrambled eggs and cream of wheat this morning but I am not sure if he ended up eating it or not.
It seems so unfair that this is what ends up to everybody who lives to be old. Where is the fairness in having to live out your last years in such a manner. Unable to eat, walk, use the bathroom etc. Almost seems like a punishment for living too long.
My dad hopes that he can get strong enough to come home but I think his expectations are set way too high. He does not want to come home until he can walk on how own. He is in a wheelchair now and it seems like he gets weaker everyday. I think he is in denial about his condition and that he thinks that he will get better and be back to his old self. I do not know which is better...to be in denial about his condition or to fully understand his condition. I guess for now denial is fine, it is not hurting anything and if that is what he needs to believe so he can get through each day then that is what he will do and I will not tell him differently. I just go along with what he says when he says he is going to be better next week, or the next week, or the next etc..
On a cuter note..Sterling says that when I am old and sick he will keep me home and take care of me. He said that a nursing home did not seem that nice and that if I was in one he would have to stay there all the time with me and he would not want to do that so he would just have to keep me home lol..I thought that was very sweet of him.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 09, 2009
Doll clothes
I know it has been awhile and I need to write an update and to make sure to write on a more regular basis. The holidays were not as bad as I had thought they would be and it was not very stressful either. My dad is back in a nursing home and he is not doing good at all...I really do not think he is going to ever come back home. I will write an update post later and I really plan to write daily because it helps me to keep a journal of each day.
My nieces came to visit a few weeks ago. They each had American girl dolls and they were wanting some clothing for the dolls. I made some crochet hats, scarves and ponchos for the dolls but forgot to take pics. I also made a quilt and pillow for Briannas doll but did not get a chance to make one for Aly yet. I also made a night gown and a 2 piece outfit. They are both peasant style so they were pretty fast and easy to sew up. I have some more cut out and have some other items like hair ties etc that I want to get sewn. Here is 2 of the items. The dress/nightgown did not turn out as well as I had hoped but it still is nice.
My nieces came to visit a few weeks ago. They each had American girl dolls and they were wanting some clothing for the dolls. I made some crochet hats, scarves and ponchos for the dolls but forgot to take pics. I also made a quilt and pillow for Briannas doll but did not get a chance to make one for Aly yet. I also made a night gown and a 2 piece outfit. They are both peasant style so they were pretty fast and easy to sew up. I have some more cut out and have some other items like hair ties etc that I want to get sewn. Here is 2 of the items. The dress/nightgown did not turn out as well as I had hoped but it still is nice.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Late but great
I had not seen my cousin Nicole for awhile. We were both busy with various things and she has been working night shift the past few weeks. We have not gotten together since a bit before my bday in october so she had my gift until she saw me thursday for Thanksgiving. She brought it to me then and everything is awesome. She knows just what I wanted. I got a LUSH brand bubble bar, bath fizz, and massage bar and also a book light that I had been wanting for a long time. She also put in my favorite candy...3 boxes of buttermints and one tin of rose candy. It was a great gift and I am planning to use part of the bubble bar in a bit.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sewed a messenger bag
I sewed this but it did not turn out the way I hoped. It is too small and to stiff. I used fusible fleece for interfacing and used it on both the outer part and the interior lining. I think just one layer would have been fine. I love the way the pockets look on the outside and I will for sure make this pattern again with a few adjustments to make it more the size I want it to be.
I love this fabric and it is my favorite color combos....chocolate brown and pink. It actually is cheap fabric from walmart. 2.44 a yard. Kim picked me up about 15 yards of this print and its various coordinating fabrics. She owed me some money for a few slings I sewed for her friends recently so I had her pick up the fabric instead.
Friday, November 14, 2008
I am behind
Wow, it seems like I keep meaning to update my blog and add new posts and then I get busy and side tracked and do not get to it. Each day that goes by I have more planned to add to my blog and then within a few weeks time I have so much to add that I do not know where to start and I will never catch up.
My end of year resolution is to write at least something in my blog everyday.
A brief catch up....
I have been doing really well with my anxiety and depression the past month or so. I did have a few days last week that I felt a bit on edge and anxious with that globus feeling in my throat but that has gone away. Over the past 2 weeks I went out once with my husband and kids to a chinese buffet for lunch. I am not a huge fan of the buffet but that is what the kids wanted to eat. It was really very good. I did fine with my anxiety though at the end I did start feeling hot and like the room was too crowded even though there was not that many people in there. After that I had to go to the DMV to get my new picture of my drivers license. I guess every 12 years you have to get a new photo. I must have gone at a good time because I was in and out in about 15 minutes max. Of course I hate my new photo and am disgusted with how much my weight is and that I had to update that on my drivers license as well. Last Sunday I met Heather and her daughter Morgan at goodwill. Ray was shocked because I called heather and her husband said she had left for goodwill so I told Ray I am going to meet her at goodwill, he was surprised that I made up my mind to go and actually was getting out of the house. I spent probably over an hour there. I got quite a bit of stuff for 60 dollars. Ray needed some new short sleeve button down shirts so I got him 8 of those, 2 shirts for curtis, a bathrobe for me, a huge box of knex set that builds a roller coaster ( 6.99 for this). 2 cami tops, 1 bra and a cute shirt for me there are probably a few other things I bought but can not remember. I just know that I would have spent that much on just 2 or 3 of the shirts if I bought them new.
I also took curtis to boys group from the homeschool group. He has wanted to go for quite awhile but I was unsure about it and from what we had heard we thought it was a large group of boys. Turns out is usually about 5-6 boys and they are all right around curtis's age. He has been wanting to spend time with boys his age for quite awhile. Ray had to work the day of boys group so I got directions and off we went. Took about 20 minutes to get to the house that it was held at this week. Walked Curtis to the door, introduced him, he said he was ok and Sterling and I went back home. 3 hours later we went back to pick him up. He had the BEST time ever he said. All the boys like the same stuff that curtis likes. They played with nerf guns, legos, bionicles, nintendo wii and some other stuff. Curtis will be going to this group every week and he is already looking forward to next week.
My end of year resolution is to write at least something in my blog everyday.
A brief catch up....
I have been doing really well with my anxiety and depression the past month or so. I did have a few days last week that I felt a bit on edge and anxious with that globus feeling in my throat but that has gone away. Over the past 2 weeks I went out once with my husband and kids to a chinese buffet for lunch. I am not a huge fan of the buffet but that is what the kids wanted to eat. It was really very good. I did fine with my anxiety though at the end I did start feeling hot and like the room was too crowded even though there was not that many people in there. After that I had to go to the DMV to get my new picture of my drivers license. I guess every 12 years you have to get a new photo. I must have gone at a good time because I was in and out in about 15 minutes max. Of course I hate my new photo and am disgusted with how much my weight is and that I had to update that on my drivers license as well. Last Sunday I met Heather and her daughter Morgan at goodwill. Ray was shocked because I called heather and her husband said she had left for goodwill so I told Ray I am going to meet her at goodwill, he was surprised that I made up my mind to go and actually was getting out of the house. I spent probably over an hour there. I got quite a bit of stuff for 60 dollars. Ray needed some new short sleeve button down shirts so I got him 8 of those, 2 shirts for curtis, a bathrobe for me, a huge box of knex set that builds a roller coaster ( 6.99 for this). 2 cami tops, 1 bra and a cute shirt for me there are probably a few other things I bought but can not remember. I just know that I would have spent that much on just 2 or 3 of the shirts if I bought them new.
I also took curtis to boys group from the homeschool group. He has wanted to go for quite awhile but I was unsure about it and from what we had heard we thought it was a large group of boys. Turns out is usually about 5-6 boys and they are all right around curtis's age. He has been wanting to spend time with boys his age for quite awhile. Ray had to work the day of boys group so I got directions and off we went. Took about 20 minutes to get to the house that it was held at this week. Walked Curtis to the door, introduced him, he said he was ok and Sterling and I went back home. 3 hours later we went back to pick him up. He had the BEST time ever he said. All the boys like the same stuff that curtis likes. They played with nerf guns, legos, bionicles, nintendo wii and some other stuff. Curtis will be going to this group every week and he is already looking forward to next week.
Monday, September 29, 2008
wait for weight
Since my last post I have been thinking about the various reasons why I do not get out much or have people over or do any of the things I used to enjoy. Part of it is pain, part anxiety, part laziness and another part of it is my weight. I have battled my weight all my life but am currently at my highest weight ever. I was staying around 150-160 pounds for many years. That is too heavy for me but I felt good and could fit in cute clothing still and I did not constantly feel self conscious about my weight. Sure I wanted to lose weight and I was not in love with my size but I was ok with it. After all this mess with my mental illnesses started 4 years ago and I started on handfuls of medications I have put on lots of weight. I do not mean 10 or 15 pounds, I mean a lot. I do not want to admit fully how big I am but I will say I have put on roughly 50 pounds or so. I am short, 5 foot 2. I have small bones. I do not carry the extra weight well at all. I have tried diets and still have not lost weight. I thought since I started my thyroid meds that maybe that would help but so far it has not. I have some family and friends that I have not seen for 4 or 5 years and I do not want to see them because I just know their first thoughts will be **OMG she has gotten huge*. I see myself in a mirror and my heart just sinks at how big I am. I have to take the boys to PE in an hour or so and am already trying to find something to wear that does not look like I am wearing a tent. I just know people will look at me and think about my weight. It used to be that even when I was chubby that my face still looked fairly thin, but now even my face is fat. I do not look like what I want to look like.
BUT....I am wondering why am I missing out on stuff just because other people may judge my weight? I keep putting off stuff thinking that oh when I lose the weight then I will go out and do stuff. Well, it is obvious that I could be putting things off forever if I wait to be thin. When I was a teenager I put off stuff until I was thin. When I was 13 I went on a crash diet because I wanted to change from private school to public school but did not want to go to public school and be fat. So, I stayed at private school until I was thin. I did not go to the pool or the beach or talk about boys that I liked until I was thin. I just am tired of letting my weight dictate what I do or do not do...I wish it was not an issue. I wish I was thin or at least thinner. I know that not only is this extra weight mentally hindering me, it is physically hindering me as well. I know I would feel so much better if I lost weight and I AM trying. It is just not an easy thing to do at all. If it was not so hot here that would help a lot as well. I used to love to bike ride or play catch etc but geez at 100+ degrees here it is way to hot.
I am tired of wearing the same clothing over and over because I just do not find it fun to buy cute stuff in my size. Last week I did buy 2 pair of sexy panties to wear for Ray but as of yet have not put them on...I do not have any jeans. All my pants are stretch ones, like leggings etc. I am embarrassed to find out what size I would need in actual jeans. Probably a size 20 or maybe even bigger...but I am making a promise to myself that I am going to buy myself a cute pair of jeans no matter what size I need. I am also going to buy a few other cute items for myself and then go through my closet and throw away all the dingy stretched out clothing that I do have.
I am going to make an appt to get a hair cut and maybe even get my nails done.
I am going to try to treat myself better. I am going to exercise more and keep on doing weight watchers. The weight will come off, it is just going to take awhile and I am tired of putting my life on hold until I am thin.
BUT....I am wondering why am I missing out on stuff just because other people may judge my weight? I keep putting off stuff thinking that oh when I lose the weight then I will go out and do stuff. Well, it is obvious that I could be putting things off forever if I wait to be thin. When I was a teenager I put off stuff until I was thin. When I was 13 I went on a crash diet because I wanted to change from private school to public school but did not want to go to public school and be fat. So, I stayed at private school until I was thin. I did not go to the pool or the beach or talk about boys that I liked until I was thin. I just am tired of letting my weight dictate what I do or do not do...I wish it was not an issue. I wish I was thin or at least thinner. I know that not only is this extra weight mentally hindering me, it is physically hindering me as well. I know I would feel so much better if I lost weight and I AM trying. It is just not an easy thing to do at all. If it was not so hot here that would help a lot as well. I used to love to bike ride or play catch etc but geez at 100+ degrees here it is way to hot.
I am tired of wearing the same clothing over and over because I just do not find it fun to buy cute stuff in my size. Last week I did buy 2 pair of sexy panties to wear for Ray but as of yet have not put them on...I do not have any jeans. All my pants are stretch ones, like leggings etc. I am embarrassed to find out what size I would need in actual jeans. Probably a size 20 or maybe even bigger...but I am making a promise to myself that I am going to buy myself a cute pair of jeans no matter what size I need. I am also going to buy a few other cute items for myself and then go through my closet and throw away all the dingy stretched out clothing that I do have.
I am going to make an appt to get a hair cut and maybe even get my nails done.
I am going to try to treat myself better. I am going to exercise more and keep on doing weight watchers. The weight will come off, it is just going to take awhile and I am tired of putting my life on hold until I am thin.
Friday, September 26, 2008
I cry....why???
Yesterday I had my Psychiatrist appt. Nothing new about this, it has been normal for the past 4 years for me to go as often as every 2 weeks. I left the house and was driving along and the country song *remember when* came on. For some reason I just started crying. I was thinking about what I have missed out on over the past 4 years or so. How we had certain things we wanted to do in life and I feel like I ruined it for my husband and that my kids miss out on stuff because of me. There are so many things I had hoped to do with Sterling over the past few years and I missed out on them. I had so much fun the first 18months or so after having Sterling. He was the first child I had that I did not have to go back to work. I joined the MOMS club, I took him to the park, we went to library storytime, toddler bowling, arts and crafts day at the craft store, the zoo, etc. We just did all the things that I felt like I missed out on with my older kids because I had to work so much. I had an awesome birthday party for his 1st bday, made the cake, decorated the house, bought him a special outfit, made custom invitations and thank you cards etc. That is how I hoped it would continue. It all stopped August 2004 when all of this mess started. He is 6 years old now and all of those things that I had wanted to do with him never happened. I hope that now that I am doing better now that I can start doing new things with him to make up for the past few years. But, for some reason when that song came on it made me cry...but, it also made me realize that I need to make more of an effort to do stuff. I need to make sure to take enough pain meds to keep me out of extreme pain so I will feel like doing more stuff. I am allowed to take quite a bit of pain meds but I always worry that the more I take, the more I will need so I try to keep it under a certain amount. But, now I realize that is silly. I need to take what I need now and can worry about needing more later on when it happens.
The psychiatrist said I need to try to get out 2-3 times a week even if it is just for a walk down the street. That would be nice if it was not still almost 100 degrees outside.
On the way home from my appt I decided to get a haircut. I have not had my haircut in years...I finally went to get it done and of course they had over an hour wait so I left. I did go to CATO and bought a few things. A cute shirt on clearance for 1.99 and then 2 sexy pairs of lace panties that I know Ray will love...Then I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things. Nothing special but it was good for me to be out for awhile.
I still am looking into trying to find a place for us to move to, to get out of this awful heat and crowd and find some place nicer to live. I just know it would be so much better to live somewhere else.
So, nothing new from the psychiatrist, just keep on the same meds. I am really happy with how these meds are working. I think my anxiety is better now then it has been in 4 years. If I was not in so much pain I would get out more. I do want to go out but I just ache and hurt so much that it makes it hard for me to actually go out and enjoy it. I am hoping that between the new dr I will be seeing and the PHYSIATRIST that I am going to see in a few weeks that maybe something will help. I was not sure what a physiatrist was but I guess it is a dr who specializes in various types of pain...so we shall see how that goes.
I have been working on some sewing and crochet. I want to make a batch or two of some soy wax tarts tomorrow. I have some vanilla pumpkin fragrance oil that would work well. Also Sterling wants to make some bath fizzy powder tomorrow. I have some bubble gum scented fragrance oil that would work well for that. I want to make a list of gifts that I want to make for Christmas this year. I think I should start on doing a few of them every week or so if I actually want to get them all done this year lol...I totally hope to just have fun during the holidays this year and not worry about the gifts. My kids do not need anything and they actually do not want much either. THey get gifts through out the year so really the holidays are not the only time they get stuff so that is not as big a part of Christmas for them as it may be for others. I do want to make us all matching pjs and make sure we do our gingerbread house this year, our cookie baking, fudge and all the other goodies, especially my brown sugar iced pumpkin cookies that everybody loves. I will make plenty so Ray can take some to work, I know quite a few people at his work ask about the pumpkin cookies every year.
Oh and I definitely want to make salt water taffy this year as well as lollipops.
I know my medication is working because just thinking of these things are exciting to me and when my anxiety and depression are bad nothing sounds exciting or fun to me.
The psychiatrist said I need to try to get out 2-3 times a week even if it is just for a walk down the street. That would be nice if it was not still almost 100 degrees outside.
On the way home from my appt I decided to get a haircut. I have not had my haircut in years...I finally went to get it done and of course they had over an hour wait so I left. I did go to CATO and bought a few things. A cute shirt on clearance for 1.99 and then 2 sexy pairs of lace panties that I know Ray will love...Then I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things. Nothing special but it was good for me to be out for awhile.
I still am looking into trying to find a place for us to move to, to get out of this awful heat and crowd and find some place nicer to live. I just know it would be so much better to live somewhere else.
So, nothing new from the psychiatrist, just keep on the same meds. I am really happy with how these meds are working. I think my anxiety is better now then it has been in 4 years. If I was not in so much pain I would get out more. I do want to go out but I just ache and hurt so much that it makes it hard for me to actually go out and enjoy it. I am hoping that between the new dr I will be seeing and the PHYSIATRIST that I am going to see in a few weeks that maybe something will help. I was not sure what a physiatrist was but I guess it is a dr who specializes in various types of pain...so we shall see how that goes.
I have been working on some sewing and crochet. I want to make a batch or two of some soy wax tarts tomorrow. I have some vanilla pumpkin fragrance oil that would work well. Also Sterling wants to make some bath fizzy powder tomorrow. I have some bubble gum scented fragrance oil that would work well for that. I want to make a list of gifts that I want to make for Christmas this year. I think I should start on doing a few of them every week or so if I actually want to get them all done this year lol...I totally hope to just have fun during the holidays this year and not worry about the gifts. My kids do not need anything and they actually do not want much either. THey get gifts through out the year so really the holidays are not the only time they get stuff so that is not as big a part of Christmas for them as it may be for others. I do want to make us all matching pjs and make sure we do our gingerbread house this year, our cookie baking, fudge and all the other goodies, especially my brown sugar iced pumpkin cookies that everybody loves. I will make plenty so Ray can take some to work, I know quite a few people at his work ask about the pumpkin cookies every year.
Oh and I definitely want to make salt water taffy this year as well as lollipops.
I know my medication is working because just thinking of these things are exciting to me and when my anxiety and depression are bad nothing sounds exciting or fun to me.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
long time, no posts..
I was almost certain I had written a message or two over the past few weeks, but either I did not or I did and they are lost in cyberspace.
I am still on 100mcg of levothyroxine. I have to get labwork done and see the dr next week and will find out then if it needs adjusting more or not. I also am waiting for an appt to the rheumatologist. There are only 3 or 4 of them in town. I saw one of them and umm....not a good one and I do not plan to go back to him. The one that I want to go to requires a doctors referral even though my insurance does not require one. I guess she just wants to make sure there is a valid reason to see her and not just because..My dr told me a few weeks ago that I needed to go see one but I guess I will get a referral from him next week.
My last set of lab results came back pretty certain of lupus and my doctor said that he would consider that a diagnosis of lupus combined with symptoms I have that are pretty unique to lupus. I have the butterfly rash on my face which gets worse in the sun. I also have all the various lab results that go along with it, my sed rate, c-reactive protein etc. I also have some odd rash that comes and goes, he mentioned that there is a form of lupus that causes skin rashes. He also gave me a huge packet of info from the Arizona Lupus society. I have not read it much, just glanced through it. I guess I really want to see the rheumatologist to get another opinion.
I guess since I have thought on and off for the past few years that I could possibly have lupus that this does not really shock me nor does it worry me all that much.
I have had some really rough days as far as pain goes...I wish that there was more that could be done for it then the constant pain pills.
Not much else has really been going on.
I see the psych dr tomorrow, no changes will be made to my meds this month. I think so far the zoloft is working better then any of the other pills I have tried.
Oh, on another fun note....I guess oxycontin no longer makes a generic...so, instead of me paying 10 dollars a month for the generic, I have to pay 100 a month for the name brand. Which I still consider myself lucky because without insurance it runs over 500 dollars a month.
I have been going next door to my parents house every afternoon to take care of my dads wound on his leg. It is getting better but is still really deep and big and needs a dressing change each day. Of course my mom could do it...she is there and not doing anything but she would rather act helpless and have me come over there and do it. I do not mind doing it but it is just the fact that she really has no concern for how I feel just as long as I do my dads stuff that is all she worries about.
My mom is still talking about moving to california with my brother. My dad is going to my brothers in october and I guess he will decide then if he will move out there with my mom or what...
It is hot hot hot here still and I still hate it. I have been tossing around ideas of moving. Ray is all for it. There is not much holding us here other then Rays job but I know he can get another one very easily. He has so much experience and is trained in pediatrics and neonatal ICU as well as PFT, bronchs and much more so I am sure he could find a job. It is just a bit scary to up and move...but I am seriously considering it.
I am still on 100mcg of levothyroxine. I have to get labwork done and see the dr next week and will find out then if it needs adjusting more or not. I also am waiting for an appt to the rheumatologist. There are only 3 or 4 of them in town. I saw one of them and umm....not a good one and I do not plan to go back to him. The one that I want to go to requires a doctors referral even though my insurance does not require one. I guess she just wants to make sure there is a valid reason to see her and not just because..My dr told me a few weeks ago that I needed to go see one but I guess I will get a referral from him next week.
My last set of lab results came back pretty certain of lupus and my doctor said that he would consider that a diagnosis of lupus combined with symptoms I have that are pretty unique to lupus. I have the butterfly rash on my face which gets worse in the sun. I also have all the various lab results that go along with it, my sed rate, c-reactive protein etc. I also have some odd rash that comes and goes, he mentioned that there is a form of lupus that causes skin rashes. He also gave me a huge packet of info from the Arizona Lupus society. I have not read it much, just glanced through it. I guess I really want to see the rheumatologist to get another opinion.
I guess since I have thought on and off for the past few years that I could possibly have lupus that this does not really shock me nor does it worry me all that much.
I have had some really rough days as far as pain goes...I wish that there was more that could be done for it then the constant pain pills.
Not much else has really been going on.
I see the psych dr tomorrow, no changes will be made to my meds this month. I think so far the zoloft is working better then any of the other pills I have tried.
Oh, on another fun note....I guess oxycontin no longer makes a generic...so, instead of me paying 10 dollars a month for the generic, I have to pay 100 a month for the name brand. Which I still consider myself lucky because without insurance it runs over 500 dollars a month.
I have been going next door to my parents house every afternoon to take care of my dads wound on his leg. It is getting better but is still really deep and big and needs a dressing change each day. Of course my mom could do it...she is there and not doing anything but she would rather act helpless and have me come over there and do it. I do not mind doing it but it is just the fact that she really has no concern for how I feel just as long as I do my dads stuff that is all she worries about.
My mom is still talking about moving to california with my brother. My dad is going to my brothers in october and I guess he will decide then if he will move out there with my mom or what...
It is hot hot hot here still and I still hate it. I have been tossing around ideas of moving. Ray is all for it. There is not much holding us here other then Rays job but I know he can get another one very easily. He has so much experience and is trained in pediatrics and neonatal ICU as well as PFT, bronchs and much more so I am sure he could find a job. It is just a bit scary to up and move...but I am seriously considering it.
Friday, August 01, 2008
My thyroid is asleep..
Well...maybe not asleep but at least sluggish. I finally went and got my lab work done ( after waiting a year with the lab slips in my drawer) and I got the results when I went to the dr appt last week. Everything that I was scared of coming back wrong was all just fine. Liver, kidney, heart tests were all fine. My thyroid test came back showing that I have hypothyroidism. I have a family history of it and I have noticed more and more symptoms of it. I have had more dry patches on my skin, my hair has been dry, I have been so tired and worn out etc. So, I was prescribed 100mcg of levothyroxin. I started it 5 days ago. It takes a bit of planning to take it because it has to be taken in the morning, on an empty stomach, with a full glass of water. I can not eat anything for at least 30 minutes after taking it and I cant take any antacids, calcium or iron supplements for 4 hours. The first day I took it I felt a warm feeling starting about 30 minutes after taking it. It was not unpleasant but just a bit odd. I did also feel a bit dizzy and felt like my heart was beating fast but I think that was just my anxiety that was high due to my fear of taking a new pill. I did not notice much the 2nd or 3rd day. The 4th day ( yesterday) I felt tired in the morning ( like usual) but after lunch time I felt really good. I even asked Ray if he and the boys wanted to go out with me. I had to go get another lab test done and then had to go to the bank and then I decided to stop at goodwill. YEP..I went to goodwill and I did fine. It was really hot inside the store so that was a bit of a downer but other then that I did fine. If the kids had not been with us I would have probably looked around more because they were putting out all kinds of stuff and there was lots of stuff to look through. I spent about 20 dollars. I got 2 different fabrics, both knit fabics very cute prints from Antex brand. There was about 6 yards total and I paid 3 dollars for all of it. I got 2 books from Luanne Rice, a cami top with built in bra to wear with my lounge pants, the boys picked out a few stuffed animals and I got a really cute stuffed catterpillar toy to give to the dogs to play with.
I have to go back to the dr next week. Some of my test results came back with results that could mean I have lupus. My sed rate and C reactive protien were high. My lyme disease test came back with a false positive ( I do not have lyme disease but it is common for people with lupus to have lyme disease test come back screwy) I have had symptoms of lupus on and off for a few years but most of the symptoms for lupus are also symptoms of fibromyalgia so it is hard to tell exactly what is going on. I will find out the results to my second ANA blood test as well as a few other blood tests when I go to the dr next week.
I have to go back to the dr next week. Some of my test results came back with results that could mean I have lupus. My sed rate and C reactive protien were high. My lyme disease test came back with a false positive ( I do not have lyme disease but it is common for people with lupus to have lyme disease test come back screwy) I have had symptoms of lupus on and off for a few years but most of the symptoms for lupus are also symptoms of fibromyalgia so it is hard to tell exactly what is going on. I will find out the results to my second ANA blood test as well as a few other blood tests when I go to the dr next week.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
crappy smoothie
I took a nap for a few hours and woke up feeling a bit less anxious. Still not good but better. I found a television marathon on today of a who I had never heard of before. It is called strip search and it is back from 2005. Basically the guy who formed the mens stripping group called the thunder down under had decided to make up a group similar to them but that included men from the U.S. He went around the country and came up with 15 guys and then the entire 6 or 7 hour marathon of episodes was him getting the group down to 7 members. It was mindless tv but wow were the guys sexy. I have not watched all of it yet but have the last few episodes on dvr to watch later after big brother is over.
So, on to the crappy smoothie. I have not eaten since friday. After I came home from Joanns I started feeling sick to my stomach so did not eat anything that night. Yesterday morning I was still feeling sick but had a few crackers and 1/2 a sprite. Later on in the evening I had 2 push pops and some coke. Today I had some toast earlier and that is about it. When my anxiety is bad I can not eat. I get sick to my stomach and also panic that I will choke. So, Ray decided to get the boys pizza from costco. The pizza did not sound good to me but I got excited over him picking me up a berry parfait from there. Layers of vanilla frozen yogurt with mixed berries in between. He ordered the pizzas on the phone and was told it was a 45 minute wait. The entire time all I could think about was my yummy berry parfait coming. He left about 30 minutes later and 25 minutes more and he was home. WITH OUT MY FREAKING BERRY PARFAIT.....he made a mistake and got my some iced berry smoothie that tastes like crap and is so sweet it gave me the heaves. Can he go back and get me what I wanted???? NOOOO because costco closed 5 minutes after he got home. He told me he knew it was the wrong thing after they handed it to him. WHY OH WHY did he not then order the right thing? I know he probably did not realize how much I wanted this freaking parfait. My stomach is hungry but nothing sounds good except for that. I know it sounds pathetic but I was almost in tears. He has offered now to go to dairy queen to get me something else but it is not the same. I do not want to sound ungrateful because really I am not and normally would not have even said anything. I would just have thanked him for it and quietly tossed it out when he was not looking. I know he did the best he could and I am glad that he tries to take such good care of me. I know in the scheme of things this really is a very little petty thing but darn it I wanted a berry parfait.
He is leaving now to go to Dairy Queen. I can tell he is irritated with me over this. I do not even know what they have at dairy queen so I told him just to get me something with vanilla soft serve ice cream and with strawberries on it. NO NUTS or anything else. I am crossing my fingers that it will be something yummy.
So, on to the crappy smoothie. I have not eaten since friday. After I came home from Joanns I started feeling sick to my stomach so did not eat anything that night. Yesterday morning I was still feeling sick but had a few crackers and 1/2 a sprite. Later on in the evening I had 2 push pops and some coke. Today I had some toast earlier and that is about it. When my anxiety is bad I can not eat. I get sick to my stomach and also panic that I will choke. So, Ray decided to get the boys pizza from costco. The pizza did not sound good to me but I got excited over him picking me up a berry parfait from there. Layers of vanilla frozen yogurt with mixed berries in between. He ordered the pizzas on the phone and was told it was a 45 minute wait. The entire time all I could think about was my yummy berry parfait coming. He left about 30 minutes later and 25 minutes more and he was home. WITH OUT MY FREAKING BERRY PARFAIT.....he made a mistake and got my some iced berry smoothie that tastes like crap and is so sweet it gave me the heaves. Can he go back and get me what I wanted???? NOOOO because costco closed 5 minutes after he got home. He told me he knew it was the wrong thing after they handed it to him. WHY OH WHY did he not then order the right thing? I know he probably did not realize how much I wanted this freaking parfait. My stomach is hungry but nothing sounds good except for that. I know it sounds pathetic but I was almost in tears. He has offered now to go to dairy queen to get me something else but it is not the same. I do not want to sound ungrateful because really I am not and normally would not have even said anything. I would just have thanked him for it and quietly tossed it out when he was not looking. I know he did the best he could and I am glad that he tries to take such good care of me. I know in the scheme of things this really is a very little petty thing but darn it I wanted a berry parfait.
He is leaving now to go to Dairy Queen. I can tell he is irritated with me over this. I do not even know what they have at dairy queen so I told him just to get me something with vanilla soft serve ice cream and with strawberries on it. NO NUTS or anything else. I am crossing my fingers that it will be something yummy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
