I think I can, I think I can...(Can I?)

ok, I am going to get out of the house for a bit ( gasp!!)
I have not been out anywhere besides the dr for quite a long time. I have wanted to go to Joanns fabric store for a few years at least. I have only been one time and that was 4 1/2 years ago.
I see people on the sewing forums I go to post such cute stuff they have bought at Joanns. I know I can buy it online and have somebody pick it up for me and mail it to me. That is how I have been buying all my sewing notions, fabric, patterns etc for the past few years. I have been in so much pain this past week so I have not done much sewing or crocheting or much of anything actually. I think the humidity of the monsoon season is just making my pain worse. I usually keep myself from getting bored by sewing and crafting but this past week I have spent reading and watching tv. Today I was laying on the couch and started thinking that my pain was feeling better today and that I wish that I could get out. I decided that there was no reason why I should not get out and I am going to force myself to get out of the house. Ray is home so he is going to drive. If we only get a few miles from the house before I panic then we will just turn around and come home. I am just going to keep telling myself ***I think I can, I think I can*** lol..until I get there. Once I am there it will be ok as long as it is not too crowded. If it is crowded then I will just have Ray run in and buy the natural cream colored flannel that I am in desperate need of to finish sewing some elf dolls from the pipsqueek pattern.
I am telling myself that I do not have to stay long, we can come back home as soon as I want to. I do not have to go anywhere again for awhile. I think that is part of what panics me...I start thinking that if I go out once or twice then my husband and kids etc will think I am cured and then a few days later when I am having a rough time again then they will all be disappointed. So far each time I have forced myself to go out I end up coming home and sort of freak out about what could have happened and then I look back over everything I said and did while I was out and worry that I did or said the wrong thing. Then after a bit I decide that it just was not worth all the stress and trouble and panic that it took to go out.
So, for now I am not worrying about what tomorrow or the next day will bring. I am just focusing on going and buying some wonderfully cute fabric....I figure I better stock up now in case it is another 4 1/2 years before I get to Joanns again...
wish me luck