damn damn

Having a freaking rough time today. It started yesterday and I just kind of tried to ignore it.
There is no ignoring it today, I am feeling anxious and on the verge of a panic attack. I am so irritated and frustrated. I start feeling better and start thinking about things I want to plan for the future and I start looking forward to stuff I can do with my kids and then BAM....freaking set back.
I have gone for awhile with needing no xanax and now today I am back needing it. I feel let down and scared. Of course Ray has to work tomorrow and Kim will not be home so it will just be the boys and me. That worries me. I have done so well dealing with them and not being anxious to be home with them alone for at least the past 6 months and now this starts. I wish Ray had tomorrow off, that would make my mind more at ease. He has to work the next 2 days so I just need to get through 2 days...Of course it would be awesome and wonderful if I had any sort of family that could help me out. I am hoping this is just a minor set back and that by this evening I will be better.
I just took some xanax and am going to go lay down and maybe this will pass soon.