pain is a pain

My pain has been bad the past few weeks. I keep thinking that one day it will slowly get better and I will need less pain meds but so far it just keeps hurting. I have fibromyalgia as well as arthritis in my knee from all the surgeries to repair my femur. I also have the bone spurs in my neck and I really think that is what causes quite a bit of my pain. I just never seem to be pain free, unless of course I forget that I just took a dose of oxycodone and accidentally take a 2nd dose. That has only happend 2 times or so but amazingly I felt out of pain. At first I did not realize that I had no pain I just kept feeling different and then I thought to myself wow, no pain...I wish it had lasted longer then 2 hours. I tried the new medication LYRICA for awhile but it did not help much. I also have peripheral neuropathy and that causes lots of burning in my feet or makes them feel tingly like they are falling asleep. At this point the only shoes I can wear are crocs and of course my older kids hate the look of crocs and tease me about them. I want a new body lol..
I get upset with myself that I am lazy and do not do much. I guess I should at least let myself have some excuse since I have been qualified as disabled by the government and my dr's. It is hard for me though to think that I can not just do everything I want to do or everything that I used to do or that everybody else does. Since I do not LOOK disabled it is easy for people to just think I need to get up off my ass and get moving...I am guilty of this as well. Sometimes I am really tired and I was thinking geez I am lazy, then I realized that with the amount of oxyodone, xanax and other meds I take that it may not be laziness, it may be medications causing it.
I did change the time I take my lexapro from morning until night. I take the wellbutrin in the morning and the lexapro at night and that has seemed to have made a fairly big difference that I am noticing now. I do not feel so groggy throughout the day.
I have not had much anxiety problems this past week. Luckily the globus feeling has subsided this past week..thank goodness, that is the worst thing ever.
I started exercising and trying to eat better. I know if I lose weight that it will take a lot of stress off of my body and will help me feel less pain.
I am getting really worried about how much C weighs. He is 10, he is a big boy, about 4 foot 10 but almost 120 pounds. He is pretty solid but he needs to lose weight. We could not find any p ants that fit him properly this winter so he has had to mostly wear sweat pants and track pants. He has just recently started being upset about his size. I feel for him because I was the fat kid in school and hated it. I think my life could have turned out with a different story if I had not been the fat kid. Luckily we homeschool him but I worry that he will keep gaining weight. I had a talk with him today. Nothing harsh, just a gentle talk about some different foods we would be changing to and how he could walk on the treadmill etc. I think even if he could just lose 10 pounds and then maintain that for awhile until he grows a few more inches then I think he would be fine.
Well, I have thought about some journal entry subjects that I wanted to get written down and journal about so I plan to be writing quite a bit here in my blog the next week or so...so if you are a reader of my blog, check back this week..