quick update

I know I have not posted anything recently. There has been quite a few things going on and I just have not had the energy to make a post.
I will write more details in the next few posts.
The short short story is..my dad ended up in the hospital with heart problems. He ended up having a procedure called cardiac ablation. That went fine but he is just dealing with so many problems and is so weak that they sent him to a nursing home. He has been there for about 3 weeks and has had some major setbacks.
I was sick for a few days and started having some signs of a bladder infection..I finally went to urgent care when I noticed blood in my urine. Yep, bad bladder infection.
I went the other day for lab work...12 vials of blood..eek.
I have gotten a good amount of sewing done and have taken photos and will get those on my blog in the next or so.
Kim decided she wanted to get a boob job done. I did not think she would actually go through with it but she did. She had it done a few days ago and is recovering now. She is really sore. It is not what I wanted her to do and if it was up to me she would not have gotten it done BUT she is 20 years old and it is her decision and I will be there to support her no matter what she chooses to do ( well as long as it is legal lol)
Ok, that is the short of it lol...
I am going to challenge myself to a few things this month and will post about that in a bit.

So frustrated

GRRRR
Ok...this makes no sense to me. Be aware that I am still irritable and cranky from the increased wellbutrin and I think I am maybe a grouchy person to begin with lol.
We had the same car insurance company for 20 years. Well, my husband had them for years before we got married and then when we got married he added me to his and we even used them as our homeowners insurance when we bought our first home. The rates kept rising though and even though Ray or I have ever had a ticket or an accident it just kept going up. We decided to shop around for insurance. We found a few that were pretty close in rates and then another one that was a bit more then the other estimates but the insurance agent was very friendly and helpful so we decided to go with that one.
We have had this new insurance for over 2 years now. Ray nor I have had any tickets, any accidents, any claims, no new vehicles or anything. I drive very very little...like maybe 300 miles in a year..We got a letter in the mail a month or 2 ago that said they were going to start doing credit checks and adjusting rates based on that. Well, we assumed ( yes I know what they say about the word assume) that it meant they would look over our payment history etc. I mean why else would they need to do a credit check?
After over 2 years of paying our payment on time every single month, never bouncing a check, never a day late, never a claim, they thank us and reward us by charging us an extra 500 dollars a year because our credit record was bad...Yes it may have been bad, we had some trouble a few years ago when I was not able to work anymore and before I started getting my disability check. BUT, it never affected us making payments to the insurance company. Our credit now is in the same state it was over 2 years ago when they first started covering us. NOTHING has changed to make us a higher risk except for the fact that they ran a credit check. How does the fact that we were late on a SEARS credit card affect our ability to drive?
I see no correlation between our credit and our insurance rates. And even if they did want to raise the amount because of bad credit, 500 dollars a year seems very excessive. I mean we could get in a wreck, cost the insurance 1,000's of dollars and our rates would not have gone up 500 dollars a year.
I do not think this is fair. We are being punished when we have not done anything that would warrant the need to charge us more.
I am sooo irritated and upset. 500 dollars a year may not sound like much but for us it seems to be quite a bit. We budget, we buy food on sale, we do not use much gasoline, I leave the cooler set on 80-82 degrees even though I would LOVE to run it at 75 and then BAM out of the blue for no reason we are charged an extra 500 dollars a year.
I called the local insurance agent, of course he is NOT in. I talked to the poor assistant for over 20 minutes trying to understand how they could justify doing this. I guess they do not need to.They just do it and we either have to pay it or not have insurance. She did give me another number to call but right now I am too upset to deal with somebody else and I am sure it will not get me anywhere.
I know life is not fair ever but this just seems wrong. To me it would be like trying to apply for a credit card at SEARS and having them check my driving history. How does one relate to another??? Maybe the insurance company should run a check on my library card as well and charge me more since I was late returning a book...that would make almost as much sense to me.

dogs and cats and kids oh my!!

Ok...my post yesterday saying that the wellbutrin increase made me a bit more irritable..well I lied lol..I am very irritable a bit agitated and feel like my OCD is taking over my brain. I am trying to just sit and relax but each time I sit down I see something that has to be done RIGHT now. My house is a sty and I just can not get it clean. The more I clean the faster the kids, cats and dogs destroy it. I think they all are at their worst today because they can sense that it is pushing me over the edge. I think they scheme and plan on ways to just drive me even nuttier then I already am. The house is dusty, the bathrooms are awful, the kitchen is a wreck. The walls need wiped down, the bathrooms need scrubbed and the toilets need to be cleaned with a pumice stone and some CLR. The laundry room is filthy. I have clutter everywhere. I have piles of stuff I need to get rid of. Then I see stuff that I need to hire a handyman to do. The bathroom floor in the guest bathroom is awful and needs new tile put down, and there are other small repairs that need to be done as well. I need to hire a cleaning person. I had one for a bit but it did not work out the way I wanted it to so I had planned to have somebody else do it but never got around to hiring somebody else.
I am trying to make a list of what needs done but I keep adding to it and by the time I am done making the list I will be too worn out to do anything.
I still need to get to the lab to get all my blood work done but I am afraid of waiting for the results. I need to get my neck xray done so I can schedule for a MRI or whatever other test the dr wants to do because as time goes on I am having more and more numbness in my fingers. I think it is a pinched nerve. Of course it could be something much worse but I am refusing to google my symptoms otherwise I will diagnose myself with a billion different awful diseases.
There is not one area of my house that is nice and clean. I try to keep the room that I spend most of the time in clean but recently the kids have taken over part of the room and have brought clutter with them. My coffee table is at least semi clean..the remote controls are all lined up and facing the right way lol and all the pillows on the couch are facing the right way so I guess that is a start.
7 more hours till my husband comes home...poor guy will be coming home to a manic list of chores that need to be done lol. He has the weekend off and by monday he will be begging to go back to work..
If the boys would not make any messes for about a week I could probably get caught up on the housework..what are the chances of that? I think Sterling averages about 52 seconds between each disaster he makes and he is probably thinking right now of what else he can do to make a mess....

On the medicine adjustment train again...

Yep, once again the time has come to adjust meds. Luckily it does not include the need to wean off one ssri and start up another. Actually now that I think about it, it has been almost a year that I have been on zoloft. Of course it took me quite awhile though to get from 50mg of my starting dose to my 200mg dose now. Before zoloft I had been on lexapro for a year and weaning from that to the zoloft was not as awful as I had thought it would be but was also not what I would call fun.
I am a bit nervous about the zoloft one day just deciding to stop working like my other meds have. Hopefully this will work longer then the list of other ones I have tried.
About 6 days ago my dose of wellbutrin was raised. Not just a bit but by a fair amount. From 150mg to 300mg. Of course that makes me anxious thinking about because the last time I raised the wellbutrin above 300mg it seemed my panic attacks kicked in again. So far I have been ok on the higher dose. I bit more anxious, a bit more irritable and a bit sick to my stomach but nothing too terrible. I am noticing a bit more motivation and a bit more energy. I hope it continues because I am tired of being anxious AND depressed.
I started thinking about all the meds I have tried in the past 3 years or so...paxil cr ( 3 different doses) cymbalta, prozac, buspar, lexapro(20mg and then at an above recommended dose of 30mg) lyrica ( not just for anxiety but it is been said to help) then of course various doses of xanax. Then of course there are meds I have taken for my pain that have changed from one med to the other, one dose and then another. Right now I seem to be on the best combo of meds all the way around. I am not pleased with side effects but the alternative is even worse. Of course I am still hoping for a magic pill to come along to fix everything and have no side effects...but since that is not likely to happen I will just keep doing what I am doing now and keep trying to find the meds that work the best for me.

Beans

I wanted to post some pictures about my little prince of a dog...Mr Beans...aka the drama queen lol...He is 11 months old. He will be 1 year old on the 21st of June. He is a chihuahua. I never ever thought I would love a chihuahua. I have only ever been around ones that were mean and nervous and so I just thought that is how they all are. Kim moved out for awhile and while she was living elsewhere she decided to get a dog. 300 dollars later she had beans. I kept telling her it was a big mistake, that he would not be a good pet etc. Well, she brought him by and yep, he was cute but NOPE I did not care for him. A few weeks later she decided to move back in and brought her dog with her. I was not happy at all to have another dog here. I was completely happy with my poodle Sassy. Well...after about 3 days beans worked his way into my heart. Kim was never home and beans spent 24 hours a day with me. He napped on me, slept in bed with me etc. He was just so tiny. He was about 3 months old when Kim moved back in with him. Kim slowly stopped paying any attention to him and I fell totally in love with him.
He is the sweetest little guy. He knows how to make me laugh. He is funny and smart and oooooh so cute. He is quite the drama queen though. If I go to clean his ears or cut his nails or anything he cries like he is being beaten....
He loves to play with sassy and for only being 8 pounds or so he sure shows her who is boss. He is very very loyal to me and a few months ago Kim told me I could just have him because Beans does not like her anymore. He is neutered now but before he was neutered he marked me as his territory. I was standing in the kitchen ant the counter and I felt something on my leg and I looked down and he was peeing on me. He turned and looked at my husband and gave him a smg look like YEP....SHE IS MINE lol.
Beans is very protective of me and makes it known that he thinks he owns me. He is not fond of my husband at all...I guess the feeling is mutual...my husband is not very fond of beans. I actually think my husband is jealous of beans. Beans is very very spoiled. I make him the best foods, he has so many toys that he has a full toy box of them. He has pillows and beds and blankets. His favorite pillow is a pink princess fluffy pillow lol...yes he is a queen.
Beans is definitely NOT a family dog. He is a one person kind of guy. And I am his person. He is not fond of kids most of the time but does love to snuggle up to Sterling at times.
Beans is learning how to *give 5*, he can *dance* for his treats, he will play ball and bring it back to me. He loves to burrow under my blankets like a little rat and sleep under them. When I nap on the couch he has his own little nest next to me that he snuggles in and he puts his paws on my hands..soooo cute.
He will eat anything and he LOVES to eat. Oranges, watermelon, well, actually any fruit or veggie he will eat. Chicken, steak, ground beef....he will eat it. I also laugh at his favorite toy, out of all the fun toys he has, his favorite toy is a plastic egg from easter. He bats it around and will play with it for a long time. When Easter was over I made sure to buy an extra pack of plastic eggs for him just in case these got lost or broken and we could not find anymore at the store when it was not Easter.
He makes me happy, I make him happy....we are just plain good for each other. I guess it goes to show that sometimes the best things that come along did not start out that way. I never thought I would have fallen in love with this little guy but now I can not imagine life without him. He has brought me much happiness.

photos

OOOps. those pics on the past post are really messed up..
I figured out how to fix them and will go back and edit those photos later this evening.
Sorry

A bit more sewing

I am trying to get good at my serger. I guess I am just way to attached to using my sewing machine. I am comfortable with the sewing machine but the serger is sooo much faster and no need to go back and clip seams and finish edges etc. I have such a hard time going around edges though, I serge off the edge or cut a hole into the seam..oops.
Here is a dress I made based on the Olivia dress pattern from Farbenmix. I left off the hood.

Cropping beyond this point will result in a resolution too low to produce quality prints Here is another cute knit outfit made with the same fabric. The picture makes it look like the neckline is a bit wonky but it really is not. I do not totally care for the style of shirt and would prefer the lap tee style. This is about a size 6 months or so. Cropping beyond this point will result in a resolution too low to produce quality prints

Here is another dress made from the Olivia farbenmix pattern. I LOVE the farbenmix patterns. Again this is knit fabric and I am still practicing. I did mess up a bit on the hood but it is still cute. It is hard to tell but the hood has a cute knotted tail on it.

Goodbye Tiki

Yesterday we had to put our much loved cat, Tiki, to sleep.
She was almost 18 years old and was starting to suffer. We knew about 2 weeks ago that this needed to be done but we just were not quite ready to let go. We spent the past 2 weeks with her, loving her, petting her, making sure she got to lay on her favorite blanket in the sunny window everyday. She got to eat her favorite foods...turkey and tuna and she got lots of love. We took lots of pictures of her and plan to put pictures from her 18 years of life into video slide show. She was cremated and we will pick up her ashes in about 2 weeks and have them in a special urn on the shelf next to Dr J. ( rays kitty that died years ago).
Tiki outlived many of the other pets she lived with. There were 2 dogs who tiki lived with back when she was much younger, link and otis. Tiki would play with them and then drive them crazy but running away from them. They would catch her and lick her all over. We fondly called this game "get the kitty". Link and Otis both died a few years ago and I have no doubt that tiki is with them now playing get the kitty.
Tiki was always a small cat but recently lost so much weight that she was just skin and bones. She loved everybody in the family but also had a very big mean streak in her and we all have scars to remind us of her and her claws.
Tiki was spayed when she was just a kitty so never was a mama kitty but she sure nurtured me through my pregnancies. She would lay by my side or on my belly. I have pictures of her laying near me while I would breastfeed. She seemed to just be able to sense when I needed her nearby.
As much as it breaks my heart to not have her here with me, it was out of love that I was able to let her go and not have her continue to suffer. She was getting sicker and sicker and we knew there was nothing else we could do to fix her.
Tiki lived a full life and was always loved and taken care of.

Art

Well, it is sort of like art lol. We were bored and also running low on crafting supplies. Sterling was in the mood to mix stuff and make a mess. We had already done the corn starch stuff and mixed all the vinegar we had with baking soda. I dug through the drawers and pulled out the food coloring. I let sterling mix it with water to make different colored water. Then, he wanted to paint with it. Well, we happened to have a loaf of bread that was going stale sitting on the counter so I do not know why it crossed my mind to paint on the bread, but it did. This was not the best of ideas, the bread got very soggy and was a mess. If we ever do this again I would toast the bread first.
Or...just get real paint and paper.
The cat wants in on the action also...

Another day at home..

Ok I admit, I did not get out of the house today like I had set my goal for. I stayed up until 2am in a panic worrying about having to go out. I finally convinced myself that it was silly to force myself to leave my home where I feel safe unless I have to.
I also spent most of the day in pain. I took my oxycontin just like I am supposed to and took the maximum amount of oxycodone but it still just did not help with the achy feeling in my bones.
I spent most of the day on the couch, with my laptop and television. I keep hoping that there will be a new med for my pain that will help but so far there has been nothing that has worked for me.
I have heard some new things about high level folic acid helping with some of the pain. My dr mentioned it last time I saw him but we did not go further into it because we were mostly concerned with the new pain I had in my right arm and shoulder and were trying to see if it was nerve pain or something else.
I just am tired of feeling so much pain. It has been years since I have had a pain free moment. I can no longer even wear a bra because it causes too much pain in my ribs. I have had to switch to just wearing cami bras. I can only wear loose shoes like crocs, tevas, birks etc because my foot swelling so much that the shoes hurt. I also noticed since the addition of a different med a few months ago my contact lens bother me often and I have to switch to glasses on most days. I think it is caused from dry eyes. I even got special contacts that are supposed to be good for dry eyes. It is hard to explain the level of pain I have. Some days the pain is so bad that I can not even brush my hair. If I can manage to get through my anxiety for long enough to go get my hair cut that would help a ton with that problem. I have been to anxious to go get a haircut for years so my hair is way down my back. Not because I planned to grow it that long, but because I just could not manage to get a haircut lol.
I have a long list of lab work I need to get done, there are a few new things that are being tested, things like vitamin D and vitamin A. Of course a repeat of the lupus test and my sed rate, which has been sky high the times it has been tested. I saw one rheumatologist but he was an odd odd duck and I never went back since my regular dr specializes in pain issues but if my sed rate is still really high or the ana test ( tests for lupus) comes back abnormal I will have to go find another rheumatologist to see.
I have an order to go get an xray of my neck to check if there is any further changes in the bone spurs and discs.
I think I am going to go soak in the jacuzzi tub and lay on the couch with a heat bag for awhile.